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Exploding Cat Toys

                        by Wright Wrong

 

 
 
Before you jump to conclusions, I must
tell you that I am not a feline terrorist.  Honestly.  I love cats.  I have two of my own, and they are sweet, sweet pets.

 

In fact, I love my cats so much, that I have developed this great new toy for them.  Entertain your feline friends and your human friends with the new “Exploding Cat Toy”, or E.C.T. (Cat Pat Pending).

 

Picture a ball of innocent looking twine.  Roll it on the floor away from your furry little friend and watch her pounce.  As she lands claws-first on the unsuspecting toy, the surprise is on her – the ball springs open and the cat is trapped in a net of twine!  Think of how entertained your guests will be as Fluffy scrambles and claws and caterwauls in a mad effort to escape.  It will be a cathartic experience they won’t soon forget.  And the more Fluffy struggles, the more entwined she will get in the E.C.T.  The show could
last for hours!

 

One of the best things about the E.C.T.
is that you will become your cat’s hero after you untangle her from the net.  The E.C.T. package comes equipped with thick rubber gloves to prevent those sharp claws from mauling you and ruining the whole experience.  Some cats have no sense of humor.

 

Cats scratching your expensive furnishings?  Thinking about declawing Fluffy?  Don’t do it!  That’s cruel, and the cat would have no protection outside.  The  E.C.T. is guaranteed to get those pesky upholstery shredders to think twice before sinking their sharp talons into your fine antiques.  Simply place the toy under the area they love to claw most, and watch the expression on Fluffy’s face as she entangles herself in the fun net that springs to life upon her first scratch.

 

Caution:  Do not leave the E.C.T. on the floor when you’re not home.  That big
dust ball in the corner could be your cat!

 

 

 

 
Still not interested (or don’t have a cat)?  The E.C.T. is still a must have  device.  Think of the possibilities!  Having a bad hair day?  Simply throw the E.C.T. in the air, have it land on your hopelessly unruly hair, and voila!  Instant hair net.
 
Got a chunk of cheese around the house?  Place it inside the E.C.T. and you have a great rat trap.  Use hammer before rubber gloves.

 

Never been able to get the hang of throwing a cast net well?  Cheer up!  As that school of mullet passes, pick you a nice one, wind up, and throw a strike.  Can you say mullet dinner?

 

Everyone at one time or another has had a bird swoop into their house or garage.  One fling of the E.C.T., and your troubles will fly away (or not)!

 

That man of yours kissing on another gal?  Whack!  Won’t he look debonair with a net of twine around his cheating head?

 

Imagine the thrills you could have at sporting events!  Thirty seconds left in the high school basketball game, score is tied, everyone is tense, the shot is up, and whoosh!  The crowd goes wild as the players desperately try to dribble a basketball covered in twine!

 

My cats were having such a great time, howling, rolling across the floor, scratching and biting the E.C.T., I just had to try it on my toddler.  Imagine my surprise and delight, as we watched little Wright imitate the cat cries and clawing in an attempt to free himself.  Such wholesome family fun!

 

Disclaimer:  The above advertisement written by a very deranged Wright serving time in prison.  Product now only available with the following warning label:  “Not for Use on Toddlers” 
 
FDA WARNING
 
NEVER throw E.C.T. at this kind of cat: